The Power of Music.

Songs make me happy. So does my gazebo.

Have you ever listened to a song 1000 times but never heard it?  You’ve probably even sang it 100 times..

Over the past year I’ve started to actually hear music. (I know, I’m probably late to the party) 

It can be so powerful! 

I’ve always liked country because it tells a story… but now I found even bigger stories in the words. 

Some songs can literally change your day. Create gratitude, presence, and awareness. Here is just a few of my absolute favorites, and how I relate to them..

Just be Held by Casting Crowns- I was sitting on an airplane, crying, heading home from seeing my brother, laying helpless (paralyzed) in a hospital bed, when this song came on Spotify. Unbelievable timing. I was immediately connected probably more than any other song I’ve ever heard. Not only did this song articulate to a T the message I wanted so badly to express to Trev, but it also holds true for life in general. You are always taken care of. Just simply be held. Your path is already paved…

But I didn’t know this until Jared’s second accident, (which is a whole other blog in itself.)

Jared’s accident brought some sort of belief (i guess you could call it religion) into our lives that there is a higher power, we are taken care of. Because of that, a certain freedom has come into our lives which has also lead me some incredible songs…

God Must Really Love Me by Craig Morgan- I first heard this song on my way home one night from coaching, shortly after Jared’s accident. I immediately thought of him and the experience that he (we) went through. There is not one single doubt in my mind, that he should have left Jax and I that day. Something….someone….put him back on this earth. Call me crazy, I would have prior to experiencing this. But I’m telling you with 100% certainty. That event changed our lives forever. This song made me think of Jared immediately. 

This is it by Scotty McCreery- Jared and I have been engaged for over 5 years, together for over 11. We’re not married. And I’m SO glad we’re not. Yet. Looking back, if we would have gotten married 4/5 years ago, we would have never gotten the opportunity to truly feel what a wedding (i think) should feel like. NOW, I can’t even talk to Jared about our wedding without crying.. Yup, EVERY time. You better believe this will be the song I walk down the aisle to. 

Burning Man by Dierks Bentley- This song completely describes my life and where I have come, and how far I have yet to go. I am a totally different person than I was 5 years ago. Completely. But, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It doesn’t mean that some days I don’t just completely Some days I have control, other days I don’t. Its a work in progress, and always will be. I think this could resonate with a lot of people.

Keeping Score by Dan + Shay- It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Except our connection to the ones we love. We never know when our last day will be. Period. This song is such a great reminder of that.

There are so many more… to be continued.


Man, I don’t even know where to begin. Life is awesome. So awesome.

Looking back at the past five years- man oh man how awesome of a journey it has been! Jared said something to me a few weeks ago that really stuck with me; “It’s like we’re dating completely different people” … And he is 100% correct. The growth that has taken place over the past five years, most being in the past two, is crazy.

Most recently in the past few months, I have grown at max speed… and seem to be just getting started. Everything seems to keep falling into place, everything is making sense. 

I wrote about improving CFI a few weeks ago, and that’s why you haven’t seen me on here in a little while. I have hired a mentor, and I am completely consumed with making CFI the very best that I can. I am only two weeks into learning, and I am over the moon excited. Let me say that again- over.the.moon! I get super super excited just thinking about it, and I can go on and on when talking about it. I have a ton of work ahead of me still, but I’m so ready to keep tackling this mission.

In the midst of this I have also found and said out loud to my closest friends what my next goal is- AFTER getting CFI to the level that I want it to be. That new goal scares me, but so did opening CFI.  I feel the same way about this new goal as I did before opening CFI (clear-cut determined) point is that it WILL happen.  Its so freakin awesome to have such a clear goal and vision.

Just as important as the end goal, is all the learning that is taking place- which is new to me. Normally I am only concerned with the end product. I am now fully aware that there actually will never be an “end product” because once I have it to where I want it, I am going to learn something new and apply that. Constantly evolving.

The other day I went through our business FB page’s photo’s and videos.. Have you seen that shit?! (I know! I know! I should have gone back through it all like three years ago-better late than never?) I was mortified of the content that we put out there, of the things that we thought would grow our business. 😳 Holy.Smokes. I was mortified, however I was also not mad at myself. I simply knew that we are in a transition, and am super thankful for who I am today, what I’ve learned, and what I am about to learn. I spent a good part of my day deleting the content. Why? Because that is not an accurate representation of who we are and what we stand for anymore. That shit’s history.

I’m thankful for the learning I’ve done to be able to recognize it, address it, and move forward.

Gosh-moral of the story in today’s post… Life is fucking awesome. So awesome. The world has so much to offer us. Take it, learn it, use it, share it, be nice, and care. Be a better version of yourself everyday.


Proud is an understatement.


So…if you didn’t know already (not many people did) Jared has been working super hard toward a big goal of his….becoming part of CrossFit’s Seminar Staff aka the “Red Shirts”. There are around 150 of these trainers at any given time around the world. The process to become one is rigorous, it’s like a super duper long job interview.

He told me that when he took his Level 1, 8 years ago, he told himself that he was going to be “one of them” one day. At that point, he didn’t know why or what it would actually take, but he wanted to do what they did.

He started the internship early in 2018, and after two he was told that he isn’t ready yet, and to apply again in six months. He applied and was accepted to try again. The process is very organized but random- meaning you don’t know if you’re going to do 1, 2, 3, 6? weekends before “finding out” if you’ve made it or not. Every weekend the flomaster takes notes and gives you feedback, in which they send to Dave Castro and Nicole Carroll. Ultimately the decision is up to Dave and Nicole.

Yesterday, Jared got the email that he has been accepted to be part of CrossFit’s seminar staff!!! This is huge! Such an honor.

I knew it a long time ago- I just didn’t tell him. No-I didn’t really know, but every part of me knew that he was exceptional and that there was no way he wasn’t going to be accepted.

Sooo, now what? Basically what this means is that he now gets the opportunity to spend his weekends working for CrossFit, sharing and teaching the awesomeness that is CrossFit!

Our life is about to change, and we’re super excited to make the shift to support this absolutely incredible opportunity that Jare has worked so hard to achieve. The challenges he faced throughout this journey, personally and professionally, have made this feat so much sweeter. He demonstrated pure perseverance throughout.

CFI- you have one of the select best trainers in the world as your head coach, leading you and the rest of your coaches every day! #honored

With super duper proudness,


Big Changes.

Thursday I took a big step forward for our business. As I told our amazing team of coaches at our last coaches meeting: “Changes are going to be made within the next 10 weeks. I don’t know what those changes look like yet, but changes are going to be made.”

(If you’re a member and reading this- don’t worry.. nothing but awesomeness is coming your way!)

This all came about in a way where it felt like everything was just falling right into place. Jared has his “own thing” going on with nutrition coaching…. and other things…and something was telling me that it was time for me to step up and out of my comfort zone (Hence…BLOG!) upon other personal growth areas.

I’m on a mission, and I’m super excited!

Watch out,


Scare of a lifetime.

Yesterday I had the scare of my life. I was certain that I was about to witness my son being killed by a vehicle.

A friend and I were watching Jax on his battery operated tractor, as he drove down the driveway ahead of us. At one point I yelled to him and told him to turn around, but that didn’t happen. So we started walking toward him, and as he went over the hill, we started walking faster. I felt the urge to start to jog to make sure he wasn’t too close to the road. As I crested the hill and could now see down to him, to my sudden surprise, he was way further down the driveway than I had anticipated. My jog instantly turned into a full on sprint.

I was terrified. He was not stopping. It was up to me to catch him. I’ve never run faster in my life.

I caught him. At the guardrail.

And to those of you who don’t know where we live, our driveway goes out on to the main road on a blind corner. There would have been no chance for anyone to see him in advance.

When I got to him, I didn’t yell, I didn’t need to. I scared him. He could sense my terror. I dropped to my knees and tried to filter through what just happened- while trying to explain to him that he should never go that close to the road without Mommy or Daddy. “I was getting the mail Mommy” is what he said.

The emotion that went through my body was indescribable. On our way back to the house he stopped and got off his tractor, he didn’t want to ride it, he said “Mommy made me sad” and he started slowly crying the saddest cry I’ve ever seen. I started crying too. We hugged and I was so unbelievably great-full for that hug. He continued to act quiet and kind of hung around me a little closer than normal for the rest of the day. Jared was away and I couldn’t talk to him until later on in the day, and I was so in need of talking to him.

Since this happened, I have been re-playing it over and over again in my head. I feel like I’m still floating back and forth between shock and gratitude. When I was running I didn’t feel anything, no exhaustion, no second guessing. I just kept telling myself to run faster and don’t fall. I felt like I ran a mile, but it was really only probably 80 meters.

I never understood the phrase “I’d run in-front of a bus for my kids”… until now. I was fully prepared to run into that road without stopping or looking. I was going.

For a second I want to talk about Crossfit… what if I didn’t do CrossFit? Would I have gotten there in time? I definitely had adrenaline pumping, but that wouldn’t have gotten me there in time. This is a true test of what we do- fitness for life. For the unknown and unknowable. I believe my training gave me the ability to adapt and quite possibly save my sons life.

(Oh- and by the way- now that I’ve analyzed the incident over and over again.. “leading with your heart” most certainly makes you run faster. My little legs were going 100mph trying to keep up.)

In my family, we truly believe everything happens for a reason. Our lives are already pre-written and planned. We each are here to serve a purpose. I don’t know if I could have trusted gods plan on that one.

Everything that happens you can find a lesson in. I am extremely great full that he is okay, and my lesson in that event is clear as day to me.

With super gratitude,



No baby, BUT…

I sent this picture of me holding my nephew, Easton, to my mom a few weeks ago and said “I’m ready”!

I’m serious. I want one! Is it because I feel settled in our new home? I don’t know, but I find myself everyday wanting another little one… I’m even having dreams about having babies!! And the little (realistic as F*ck) doll that was given to Jax from a friend isn’t a help either.. (“Poofy” is his name in case you were wondering.) I have held that thing and patted its butt… no lie. 🙄

…but then I have a day where I’m like “Hell no! Its 6:30am, Jax has been up for five minutes and I have no idea how we are going to survive the day together. No. Nope. Can’t do it.”

And then there’s Jared… he’s begged me for a baby, since we were like 15, literally. We had one, obviously, and for like 6 months while we were building our house he was telling me it was time for another.. And of course now that I’m the one who wants one, he’s like “now is not a good time..” Everything always happens that way between us! It’s kinda funny. (But usually I get what I want.. I’m not sure how that happens, but I’m not complaining! 😆)

He’s right on this one though. Baby #2 will come when it’s a better time. We have big things in the works. We get to give those things time and focus.

Baby #2, you’re being dreamed of already!


In between sled pushes…A friend asked me the other day what “Beanie” was, which lead us into a short conversation about what we like to be called.

[[My dad calls me Beanie, (and occasionally my brother like five times in my life…Only when he really likes me and no one else is around) but that’s it. If you’re not them, don’t do it. ]]

Our conversation went along the lines of: “I like to be called Neen. But don’t call me Neen… unless your my brother, Jared, best friend, or I really like you”.

Apparently I’m not the only one who feels this way- she felt the same about her nickname!

We had a laugh, and both could relate to that awkward internal “wait a minute, WHAT did you just call me?!” moment that happens every time someone that has no place nicknaming us, nicknames us!

Happy Monday! 😆

How “Home” became Home.

When looking for a home or a piece of property to build in 2015, we kept looking at different places both online and in person. One property kept coming up. It showed photo’s of guys on 4-wheelers in a field that needed to be mowed. It was hilly and looked like it was in the middle of no-where. But it KEPT coming up. Over, and over, and over. Finally one day we drove by (while going to look at a house) and I recognized the piece of property and pointed it out to Jared. I’ll be honest-It didn’t look all too special from the road. Besides, the one with common sense in this family kept telling me “we don’t need that much land and it’s WAY too expensive”. I called the realtor anyway. (Typical). We went and looked at it, and I remember telling Jared “this is it”.

We were just over a year into business, had a really good accountant, and we couldn’t get a mortgage for a house let alone a piece of bare land. (Turns out they don’t just hand out mortgages for bare land, it has to have a well/septic.) My father was generous enough to be the middle man and loan us the money to purchase the land. After that we had a few years of deciding what to put on the land- and MANY unsuccessful trips to banks.

Early on in that process we met Ruth and Lisa for lunch one day and I remember the words Lisa said to me… “You don’t take ‘no” for an answer”. I remembered that for the next couple of years as we struggled to get financing. No one seemed to want to help us. Then we met with a lady, Jennifer Rich, who told us exactly what we needed to do in order to get the house (that we already had designed). We did it, everything was good, papers signed…and then the bank pulled out because they didn’t realize what kind of construction it was going to be…. We started all over again with another bank. We were SO close, yet so far away again. I prayed that this new bank would accept us, but I knew I wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer.

A few months later, on July 29th 2018, I got the phone call that we were approved. I cried in my truck and couldn’t WAIT to tell Jared. A huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I couldn’t wait to get the project started. October 17th 2018 we broke ground. Luckily the only real trouble we had was getting water, other than that we moved in on February 16th, 2019. (Jared had the flu, and all I wanted to do was MOVE already..I was not nice, sorry babe)!

The stress of doing the move started in December, so I was more than ready to get out and move in! The house turned out to be everything I had hoped it would be. Sure, there are things I would have differently, but all in all I love it. BUT more importantly than the house…. Can we talk about my LOVE for the whole package- house AND location/land!

Something about this piece of property makes me SO unbelievably happy. SO happy. I can not even describe it. It seems like it is every other day that I am telling Jared “I LOVE it here”! I almost get frustrated because of how much I want him to REALLY understand how I feel….but I don’t know how to describe it.

I hope that everyone has something in their lives that make them as happy as our home/land makes me. I feel so complete now that we finally have OUR home. Our very own paradise.


WHY a blog? Who the hell cares?!

Thanks for joining me on this new venture. 

WHY…why a blog? I am sealed up tighter than an acrylic nail. Seriously. No one knows me. I don’t say a lot, but I have sooooo much to say. Therefore, blog it is.

I will warn you, this is a completely- let me say that again- COMPLETELY unorganized mess of what is my life. A life that I am super duper proud of, and enjoy, even in the hardest of times. (Yes, believe it or not they happen. Frequently. And they happen to you too. I’ve just decided to write about it.) 

None of my postings are going to be in any sort of order. I may jump from the present day, to a day 10 years ago. Nor are they going to be consistent. 

My grammar has been less than correct since middle school, sorry in advance. 

I hope in writing these totally random thoughts that you can get to know me better, and in the mean time I can learn to communicate more freely! 

I have been thinking this over for months, and am SO excited to start writing!

Let the chaos begin!