Letting go..

Ok, so, the last blog was about settling down in the south. Buying ”home.”

This one. This one isn’t as glorifying as the past blogs.

I’m about to get really real.

I miss the gym. Not like… “damn I miss that place”… but “FUCK, what have I done, that was my entire world. My identity, and my heart.”

Depression has been REAL for the past year-ish. Here’s a little back-story…

It was great and exciting to move, and I still absolutely know we made the right decision, but after we closed on our new property, we spend three months renovating- Jared lived at the new house, and the kids and I lived at the rental. Jared was all go go go working all day and night trying to get the place somewhat ready to move into. He renovated the basement from concrete walls to three bedrooms and two bathrooms. He even cut all the plumbing out of the house and re-plumbed it-as well as ran all the electric etc… All I did was insulate the walls and cut boards between Paisley’s naps- (what help I was)!

It was a stressful time, and by the time we laid the carpet and moved in- two weeks later the basement flooded. Great. We had nothing left at that point. We were drained. Not to mention- at the same time- we were very nervous about riders coming to stay with us. Our house was barely live-able for us- let alone having paying clients live with us.

Yes- it it all is fine- but we are not used to living in this mess! We like things just so- esp when it comes to our services to others. We were panicking. AND it had been three months since any sort of ”normal” for our family- and we were getting ready for guests to come.

It all worked out fine, but during Jan/Feb the house was FREEZING. It needed a lot more work than what we had anticipated. The potential is there for sure…but man oh man there is still soooo much to do. So much so that we highly considered selling in March. We were going to go back to living life on the road for a while, until we could figure out the next adventure. Long story short we had decided against that for a few reasons.

Since then we have tried to settle down a bit and slow down the train on renovations. Race season started and there has been little time for anything else anyways.

Work- Jared’s business was not taking off like he had thought, and we had conversation’s of what to do next. I said “hold on- give it some time, do x,y,z, and once the season gets going I’m willing to bet it’ll pick up.” At the time of writing this his business is doing well and showing great growth.

Ok-back on to my point…

This WHOLE time- I have missed the gym. (Well, really since December 2020ish. Before that- I really just needed a break.) I desperately miss the gym. When I walked away from that place my heart remained. My purpose remained. I now know how Jared felt when he stopped riding for all those years-and the struggles he went through.

I want a gym again in the worst way. And maybe someday It’ll happen (…because I did say a few years back that I was “going to open a second affiliate before I’m 40”….)

Right now though, I’ve been really digging into my faith. Learning about God and how I can live presently through him. Depression is when you live in the past, and I am trying to let that chapter go. The ”problem” is that I’m not sure where to go for the future, because lets face it- I have a family to feed and care for.

Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE changing people’s lives through Project Wellness. I get to connect deeply with each client. The problem is finding those clients to work with- that’s the not so fun part. There are a BILLION weight-loss “coaches” and quick-fixes out there- and the successful ones (in terms of getting new clients) are what I refer to as the “bubbly” ones. I am just not one of those!! I am very real and NOT bubbly at all. That doesn’t mean I can not provide results- it just means I have a hard time putting my face out there to get new clients. Just like at CFI, I was never the face of the business. So as much as I love what I do- I am struggling to compete with social media. I’d rather just coach my clients than film myself dancing in the kitchen. But I know it’s part of the process if this is my path… or is it?

I get excited to help and work with Jared on his side of things- because I have ideas and don’t have to be the face!! Maybe that’s where I need to put my focus?!

Or then there’s the affiliate thing… Do I make that happen again? If so- where?

Before I wrap this up, I feel like I’ve been all over the place with this one… Basically- the house is a disaster but has sooo much potential (we just need patience). And lordy lordy I miss having a gym- but I am working on letting it go so when God sends me my next career purpose, I am ready to be fully invested.

“Let go and let God”. I need peace from the past to be present in the now. Our pastor said a few weeks back ”The windshield is a whole lot bigger than the rear-view mirror”. What truth!

For now, I am leaning into patience and persistence in the pursuit of gratitude. All is well.


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